Within the next three years, these five college football coaching predictions could be coming your way:
- Mark Richt Stays at Georgia – He’s like a tick on a dog’s ear. He ain’t leaving ‘til he’s ready
- Bret Bielema takes Arkansas to a SEC Championship. With some breaks, this unbelievable feat could happen as early as THIS YEAR!
- Gus Malzahn Becomes the Head Coach at Texas A&M – An NFL team which matches Kevin Sumlin’s offensive philosophy steps up with an offer he can’t refuse. A&M jumps right on Malzahn as Sumlin’s replacement. Without hesitation, Gus and family (including most of the current Auburn coaching staff) pack up and head for College Station. Note: By the way did I mention Richt ain’t leaving ‘til he’s ready!
- Hugh Freeze Becomes Muschamp’s Replacement at Florida – After a messy firing and replacement search, Florida fumbles repeatedly in finding and securing Muschamp’s replacement. In the end, Freeze is the last man standing and leaves Shepherd Smith’ Rebels crying beneath the live oaks in the Grove, as he heads to Swamp.
- For a 3rd time, Les Miles turns down Michigan’s plea for their favorite son to return home, while staying at LSU, yet again. But Jimmy Sexton does milk the Ragin’ Cajun Tiger one more time for an even bigger pay check for the grass chewin’ Mad Hatter.
As the coaching dominoes fall relating to the prophesied events listed above, five more “after quake” possibilities are listed below:
- We find that Auburn finally lands the WHORE which they’ve always lusted after – the promiscuous harlot of college and pro football, Bobby Petrino. The Casanova of College Football pokes Louisville one last time, as he catches the night train to Opelika – purchased to perform million dollar tricks for the salivating War Eagles elitist boosters.
- Tommy Tuberville reacquaints himself with the Grove, Colonel Reb, Shepherd Smith, and a disheartened group of Ole Miss Alums.
- Passed over for the plum SEC coaching positions, Dan Mullen moves on to the more opportunistic job at Louisville, and the offensive juggernaut which Petrino abandoned.
- An unemployed Houston Nutt searches for TV cameras to tell anyone that will listen that he’s happy where he’s at and not to take any reports being circulated (by Jimmy Sexton) that he’s actually a serious candidate for any of the empty positions– but in the end, Houston doesn’t land a job or get a pay raise.
- But through all the changes and missed opportunities, you still find here in Georgia that the tick’s getting fatter and still firmly latched to the hound’s ear – or rather the bulldog’s ear.